If there’s one universal rule about reaching your twenties, it’s that family events can be a fraught experience. Lots of distant relatives coming up, questioning you about what you’re studying, whether you have any job prospects, or who you’re dating. No matter what culture you come from, there’s a sense of the family’s and the community’s expectations resting on you. And as much as you might want to scream, you have to keep it together - you mustn’t embarrass your parents.

Canadian-born, New York-based filmmaker Emma Seligman dipped into this dynamic in her 2018 short Shiva Baby, and turned it into a feature by the same name that just secured distribution by Utopia Media. Seligman embeds the audience at a shiva - a Jewish mourning tradition - where a floundering twenty-something named Danielle (Rachel Sennott) finds herself running the gauntlet of relatives and family friends. But Danielle didn’t bank on two unexpected attendees: her ex-girlfriend Maya (Molly Gordon), and Max (Danny Deferrari), the older man she hooked up with only hours earlier via a sugar daddy app. 

We’re treated (or perhaps subjected) to 60 minutes of non-stop social tension; think of the most intense moments of cringe comedy from a season or two of The Office, lined up into one wince-inducing package. No matter where Danielle goes at the gathering, she struggles to stay a step ahead of every fib she needs to tell - about her whereabouts that morning, her fake job as a babysitter, her program at school. The deeper the hole Danielle digs for herself, the more embarrassed we feel for her. Part of you can’t look away from the social trainwreck, but if you’re like me, part of you will repeatedly want to shut the whole thing off, just to defuse the pipe bomb of anxiety that Seligman has constructed.

Seligman does a lot with a limited budget. The bulk of the movie takes place in a single crowded house, packed with little observational details about close-knit families. The camera paces with Danielle between the knots of mourners, and it begins to feel like every corner has a potentially awkward interaction lurking behind it. The movie takes on an almost a horror- or survival-story vibe. When Danielle scrapes her leg on an exposed screw, what does she do about the ruined tights? Should she eat something from the buffet to keep people from gossiping about how thin she looks, or is she too stressed to keep it down? And throughout, you try to coach her: “Don’t do that! Don’t do that!”

Danielle’s ex, Maya, is keen to audibly point out Danielle’s lies whenever she overhears them, as a way to punish Danielle for their breakup, even though what Maya really wants is to get back together. Meanwhile, Danielle is revolted to learn that Max, her morning hookup, has a wife and infant daughter, who are both at the gathering. She oscillates between wanting to discreetly end things with Max, wanting to continue the affair in secret because it makes her feel powerful, and wanting to expose Max to his wife for being unfaithful.

It’s a monster of a role for Sennott - with the camera on her constantly and having to manage such a complex, timely character, Shiva Baby could launch her career. Sennott adeptly balances the classic twentysomething apathy with the fear of not knowing what to do with your life. Add onto that the unique sense of empowerment derived from sex work, and the sense of responsibility to your family and your community, and it’s not hard to understand where the tension in the story comes from.

The script doesn’t get too bogged down in cultural jargon. Anybody familiar with Jewish culture will probably get a few bonus jokes here or there, but newbies are just as welcome. Fred Melamed and Polly Draper are expertly cast as Danielle’s parents; they’re supportive and a little overbearing, but are just distracted enough to be blind to Danielle’s rebellions. Even when the bubble finally bursts during the climax, they don’t shame their daughter; they just extricate her from the shiva as politely as possible, with looks of loving confusion on their faces.

Considering that Shiva Baby debuted at the first major film festival during the ongoing pandemic, it’s hard to know how Utopia will approach its distribution. Will they bring it to a streaming service or premium VOD, or wait to try their fortunes with a theatrical run, once in-person screenings are a safer bet? Either way, Shiva Baby is one to track - as long as you can survive the cringe.

Shiva Baby gets three stars out of four.

Stray thoughts

• This was one of my digital festival events, allowing me to pause and recover from the simulated embarrassment every so often. Maybe watching with an audience would provide a completely different experience.

• I’d love to see someone make a tribute video that cuts together slices of what this movie would look like in different religions/cultures.